A Little Too Introverted

"Physically, I'm really attracted to you. Spiritually, I feel like we connect. Socially, you're a little more introverted that I'm used to... "

 

And then he went on about how there was some weird X-factor thing that I was missing too. But basically what I got out of the convo was that there was something terribly wrong with me, and a big part of that was my introvertedness. I had never seen this whole introversion as a thing much less a real problem. But from that moment I was paralyzed... for a good while, in fact. Trying desperately to snap out of this personality trait that was keeping me from what I thought was my full potential. Isn't it funny how no matter what positives are thrown our way, it's the negatives that stick? And by funny, I mean it's not funny at all. It's horrible.

 

After being torn for a while and playing out my life story to see where I might have gone wrong in becoming this way, I realized that this introvert was incurable and I reluctantly accepted it. 

 

Sooooo... I hoped and prayed for the only solution that I knew of. That's right, I prayed that God would give me the perfect extrovert of a spouse to counter my introvertedness. In my head, I would automatically rule out any potential fellow that gave me a glimmer of non-extrovert tendencies. Why would I need that anyway?! I need a raging beast to help me come out of this shell I live in.

 

I also found myself using this label of being an introvert as an excuse as to why I would or wouldn't do certain things. It's like I'd use it as a shield before even giving stuff a second thought. When people would ask me to do something I'd automaticaly think "No, I'm way too introverted to do that." And when I actually did do something out of the ordinary for how I saw introverts as being, I'd be really surprised with myself & view it as a fluke.

Over time though and as life has unfolded I've realized something: just because I am introverted doesn't mean shizzle diz! Seriously. I do & behave as things stir me and motivate me. To some people (including myself at times) there are things that I do that appear completely extroverted & out of character. But I love those things. And so I do them. And then there are things that fall under my label. And I love those things... so I do them!

At the end of the day, I think that label is just one way of understanding ourselves, but it shouldn't ever define who we are & it especially should never hold us back from anything.
 

So guess what? The guy in the above statement was right! I AM a little more introverted than he was used to... and that's okay. I'm also more extroverted than I give myself credit for.  And that is a-okay too!

I accept it. I embrace it. And I rejoice.