Break To Open

So... apparently I am a songwriter. I know it sounds weird that I say it like that, but if you knew all my past insecurities about the matter you'd understand a bit more. But yes, God's given me this sweet gift of song-ifying. And though I can't confidently say this was always a part of who I am, maybe the truth is it was always a part of me and I simply wasn't aware. Until recently...

I used to think there was a special formula or something for writing songs. I have been blessed to know so many talented songwriters, and so while I knew it was not right to think this way... I felt I had a lot to live up to. After a while I just accepted the fact that I was a vocalizer, not writer. And I was okay with that.

But... you see, God put a song in my heart yet I didn't know it was there. But it doesn't matter that I was oblivious, 'cause He knew... and it was just a matter of time before it surfaced and broke free. It literally came out when my heart broke. How cliche is that? I don't mind though, because it's how God brought forth the gift in me. 

Songs are many things and encapsulate so much. Songs are dreams. Songs are thoughts. Songs are silly. Songs are prayers. 

Strange as it sounds, my first song started while I was sitting in a curriculum design class, almost two years ago now. I often write prayers to God and what started as a prayer of circumstance, turned into a prayer of life-surrender, which then became a musical prayer (aka song) that afternoon in my devo-time after class. I feel like the best part of this whole "becoming a songwriter" process was that the first song that I wrote is what I consider the very purpose for my music and being, period!

Every thought and every word, I trust in Your endless love

Every step my soul cries out "I surrender all"

I long for You

Glorify Yourself in me, all I desire is Yours

And as I look to You in all You have for me

All that I am is in You, Lord

Teach me in the ways of You, I am lost without

Grateful heart in all that comes from you, please show me how

I long for You

Glorify Yourself in me, all I desire is Yours

And as I look to You in all You have for me

All that I am is in You, Lord

It took brokenness for this gift to be open in my life. I had to break for it to open! And while being broken is not exactly the most comfortable thing in the world... there is no better comfort than being in the hands of the ultimate Healer. Now I've got this gift that I fully intend to use, remember the title of this blog? Using what we have. 

But because You say so...

I've been simmering on this story from Luke 5 for the last few days and I just can't seem to shake it...

"One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, the people were crowing around Him and listening to the word of God. He saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then He sat down and taught the people from the boat. When he had finished speaking, He said to Simon, 'Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.' Simon answered, 'Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because You say so, I will let down the nets.'"

And to cut to the chase, basically they put out their nets and caught more fish than imaginable. Amazing.

I try to do things the way they "ought" to be done. I follow the rules and go the safest route possible. But I am gradually learning that ultimately I'm not the one calling the shots. Now, keep in mind, there is nothing wrong with working hard and trying to get 'er done! But I like to think I'm pretty logical. So if something doesn't add up quite right, I hardly give it another thought. 

Simon (aka Peter) worked his tail off the night before, during the prime time for fish catching. And nothing happened. So when this God-man came around with advice that went against all he knew to be true, I wonder what went through his mind. I mean, he basically said "We already tried... during the best time of day, at that! Your advice doesn't make sense". But it doesn't really matter that he said that, right? Because what he said next was what mattered most. "But because YOU say so, I'll do it!" And before he knew it, there was a fish fest in his boat!

So I guess it doesn't matter if the prompting of the Lord defies gravity. If He says it, we best be doing it. Because He knows better than all of humanity and goes beyond all that makes sense. I'm glad I know Him. 

Running Into Closed Doors

There's a girl walking down a long, dark hallway. Every few strides there are open doors off to the side. Doors promising hope of finally getting out of this never-ending hall. So she breathes deeply and walks up to the closest door. Maybe this time the door will stay open long enough for her to walk through. But it closes just as she is ready to enter. She knocks on the door... yanks on the handles trying to pull it open... and it won't budge. It's not going to let her in. Soooo she probably wants to throw a tantrum right there. And let's be real here... she probably does (or has already in the other slammed-door encounters along the way).

After composing herself, she walks on.

I hate it when that happens, don't you? But you know the good thing about closed doors in life? There's a pretty clear answer! Yea, it doesn't really give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside, but it's an answer nonetheless. I am always searching for "the answer" in life's adventures. It's good to remember that a "no" is as valid an answer as a "yes". And it's way more clear than a "maybe".

So today, while it's not always an enjoyable thing, I am thankful for closed doors. God provides these as much as the open doors. And it means that what lies ahead is better. Hey, open door! I can't wait to walk through you.