Reviving Scars

A few months ago I got injured... injured bad! I got a second degree burn because of... ready for this? Water! WATER!! My good and faithful beverage! So sad, but it really happened. During a routine pour of boiling water into my purple tumbler, I instead poured the water directly onto my hand. To say that it was painful is an understatement and it burned for a good 12 plus hours. It underwent a mega-metamorphosis from cute bubble blister to a cryptic mass of flesh wound that was filled with pus & gore. It changed daily and I was somehow taken by its "charm" to the point of documenting it via phone photos every single day. Over time it eventually fizzled and to this day the thing that remains is a scar.

About two ago, I realized my phone was low on space 'cause of all the photos of my burn so I decided to email the pictures to myself & get them off my phone. So I did.

Or so I thought.

Turns out the photo files never actually attached to two of the emails I sent (I had to do them in batches 'cause there were so many pictures!). But I didn't realize it until the next day when I was looking through my emails. "OH NO!!! MY BURN!!", I exclaimed! My mom was nearby and asked me what was wrong. So I told her that my precious burn pictures were gone. She looked at me and laughed a little and said "Why would you want to remember that?"

And that kind of resonated within me. I find myself often reliving previous hurts... over & over again. Why? Why would I want to remember that?

Maybe it's because when I relive the pain, I see myself as a victim... helpless... and in such case, nothing is my fault. At all. Or maybe reliving pain is just a way of me avoiding moving forward with what remains as healing takes place.

I'm not sure where all this is coming from, or where it's leading me to. They are just my thoughts on the matter. And this is hardly a conclusion, but are we ever really done learning from this life?

Now, all depth aside, I really do wish I had all my burn pics still. 'Cause I mean really, how many people live life with an experience like that?!

Crummy Gone Yummy

I made a tasty dessert recently for a friend's birthday. It was devoured by me and those in my company. It was beautiful, smooth, balanced in flavor and just so perfec... wait. There's more to it than that. It was nearly a disaster at one point. Those that saw the end result had no idea how distraught I was while making it. Here's what happened...

I had this vision of a tart made with a spiced crust and a coconut-macadamia ice cream filling. I planned and prepped well in advance. I even special ordered a gluten free spice cookie mix that I intended to transform. Everything I could control was going great. Until bake time...

You think I (being the bakesta that I am) would know how to work with a mix, right? Well, let's just say I got pretty stuck. Yea, the crust stuck to the pan! Like, completely stuck. I was twirling the pan in an effort to move it even just a little bit! Nothing. How on earth was I supposed to present an elegant tart when I'd be wrestling it to slice a piece?!

I decided it was better for me to wrestle it before the birthday shindig arrived. So the battle began. After a lot of prodding I managed to get what most of it out. But it was deformed, so I started "shaping" it. Yes, I molded the crust. It was in an interesting state and pretty darn pliable. Eventually it resembled a rustic crust. I was happy with it. A good chunk of it was still left in the pan, but I was happy enough. I proceeded to fill it with coco-macadamia delight and popped it in the freezer. It wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world, but I knew it would at least taste good.

Time to wash that crust-covered pan. As I walked the tart pan to the sink I got sad thinking about the kitchen catastrophe. I saw the bits hanging onto the pan and hated that I was about to waste all of the tasty goodness.

And then BOOM!! Idea!!!

I grabbed platter and started clawing at the pan. I salvaged as much of the leftover crust as I could and ended up with a nice pile of sweetly spiced crumbs. I grabbed the tart out of the freezer and went to town covering it with cookie crumb goodness! It looked complete. I was actually quite pleased with it. And plus I saw it had having several texture components... which makes any dessert that much better!

Ah, I was so happy & satisfied.

And God spoke to me. Quick & simply, mind you.

Things can be annoyingly messy & seemingly a waste of everything. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense how anything of that ugly magnitude could be turned around. He takes my mess. My ugly, dirty mess and, in the way only He can do, He transforms things. Turns them into loveliness. As this song I heard years ago says "laaaaaaate in the midnight hour God's gonna turn it around!!"

And I believe it. If a fail of a dessert can turn lovely by my hands, think of all the good to be made out of us by the Maker of all things! What a delicious life is in store!

Soul Food

About three months ago I was faced with a life change. I was told that I have food allergies/intolerances. Now I could go on & on about how this has affected me and caused me to rethink the way I consume food each day, but I won't... very much anyway. It is an adjustment. It is inconvenient at times. It is hard for me as a foodie to not partake in the food-love bestowed upon me. And it's a little tough to explain "why I can't just cheat" every now and then.

The food we eat is a part of who we are. If we're filling up on bad stuff, we're becoming that. I look back on my previous eating habits. The times when I'd just be so hungry and fill up on whatever would make the hunger pains subside. I could have been eating paste for all I knew. It tasted good & it satisfied my immediate craving.

But guess what? It goes beyond that. You see, I've been battling this little thing called digestion. My body literally hasn't been absorbing nutrients as it should. So no matter how healthy I might have been eating, it didn't matter. My bod just wasn't having it! How sad is that? We could be getting all the right stuff, but if we cannot digest it properly, there is hardly any good that can come of it.

So top notch nutrients come from raw foods, right? Right! BUT!!! My digestion was so whack that even that was too much for me to handle. So while all the nutritionalists & health articles had been telling to me to eat one way, it literally didn't do me any favors. I had to prep my food to integrate properly with my digestive tract. I couldn't force my body into something it wasn't ready for.

But beyond this physical thing, I've been enlightened. Yes. Such is life. I've reflected and pondered.

And God spoke to me.

The many things going into my heart, head and soul are reflected in who I am. Information, conversation, music... everything. As I fill myself with goodness... the things that I'm designed to run on... I'll be thriving in such a magnificent way. Likewise, if I am replacing the goodness with nasty, I'm changed accordingly. 

But even so, if my heart is not ready to receive information and input... how can I be transformed by these good things? My soul needs work. Lots of it. Step in God. Thankfully He is good at restoration. Taking my faulty "digestive tract" and making it new... making absorption possible. Am I taking this too far? Maybe, but this is how all of this is resonating within me these days.

And with the whole thing on prep work. All I have to say is we are not made to fit formulas. Each person is custom made and so it makes perfect sense that there are adjustments needed in what we take in. 

Does this make sense? It does to me. And thus concludes today's foodevotion.

Oh, Christmas Tree!

This Christmas season, something magical has happened in my life. For the first time ever, I have a real... live... CHRISTMAS TREE!!! Ahhhhh!!! And here's my story...

My peeps & I ventured off to a local tree farm and hunted for our trees. I am indecisive, so this was a daunting task. But I finally found it! My perfect tree!! It's shorter than me but totally adorable and flawlessly shaped. After killing some spiders and wrestling it into its tree stand, I stepped back and stared... waiting for decoration inspiration. After a few days of watering, singing and smelling my tree, it hit me! (Not the tree, an idea!)

He's all tied up.

Nakie

A singing tree! Decked out in music & silvery sweetness! And I'd be using what I have...sheet music! So I got straight to work.

I made a beautiful star tree topper with cardboard I had lying around. I used the template from this great tutorial. Then I covered it with music & sprayed it with some shimmery stuff.

Star of wonder!

But that wasn't all I tried my hand at. I decided to take some old ornaments that my mom no longer uses and do the same thing.



He's a handsome tree and his name is Sebastian.

And then! Apart from the tree, out popped this beautiful musical wreath.



Complete with cinnamon scented pinecones. Ah!

And I am awfully pleased with how it turned out!

Ah, Allergies!

I’ll be brief.

I have food allergies. I should be devastated.

Had this occurred a few years ago, I probably would have been a wreck and never explored the food realms as I have. But I feel that I’ve been given a gift. I’ve charted the cooking world without inhibition, often declaring “I’m so glad I have no food allergies!”. No news was in fact good news for me. Until now…

You see, the “bad” news has transformed into a beautiful thing. I am forced to step up my game in the kitchen. And I’ll be using what I have. Yes. I’m using my knowledge & foodie experiences to re-invent the tastes, textures & treats I’ve enjoyed in my former food-life. I am not missing out. I am stepping into a culinary challenge that I do believe I am well-equipped for.

This won’t be nearly as convenient, but it will be a tasty trip!

Dough-Not Forget, It's All Part of the Process!

A few nights ago, I got a carb-o-liciously good word from the Bread of Life! That's right, it's foodevotion time!

Background: My dairy-free friend was coming over for dinner and I was making sweet potato burgers, but when it came to the buns, I got nervous. So instead of risking her life by buying some tainted buns, I decided to make them myself so no trace of milky nastiness made an appearance. No big thing, right? I mean, come now, being the bakesta' that I am, you'd think I have extensive baking experience. No siry! In fact, to my recollection, I've never made yeasty bread without the aid of a mixer. And so began yet another journey into the kitchen.

I quickly learned (or not so quickly in this case, since it took a while for me) that bread-making goes in long, drawn-out phases. As I was mixing the dough components together, I became a bit frustrated. Cake batter is so smooth and reasonably quick in terms of getting everything incorporated. So this bread thing got to me, yet it was certainly something I wanted to see through! Things were crumbly and not coming together very well. I was instructed to add the liquid in a slow stream. My thought was that this would solve the problem of the lack of cohesiveness. But I still had wandering bits that refused to become a part of the whole.

Eventually all of the liquid was added and things took a drastic turn... but not in a good way. It was like a sloshy mass of paste. The sound of me kneading reminded me of running through a corn maze on a super soggy night. It was a mess... a sticky, sticky mess! Things came together at this point, but my hand felt like it was covered in a tub of glue that's gone way beyond it's normal state into a chunk of gloop remniscent of Slime Monster remains. My fingers were forced into sluggish movements 'cause they were enveloped in this dough explosion. And then came the addition of oil. The recipe said to knead until all of the oil was absorbed. While part of me felt like I was working on chewed up gum, I kept at it... and guess what?! The oil did in fact work its way throughout the dough and... it looked beautiful!

I'm not a very patient person, and this whole ordeal seemed to take foreeeever. But the end result was a perfect ball of dough that was uniform throughout and didn't stick to me!

And God spoke to me.

God is the baker, I am His dough. He's using what I have, even though I view it as unmixable & separate. He takes my scattered being and He brings it together. For He knows the recipe of life... He created the recipe my life. When I'm a little lumpy, He works it out. To Him, I make sense... even in my discombobulated state. He makes sense out of me. Yes, He's taking what I have, what He's provided for me and He's kneading it into perfection. He's adding just the right amount of every ingredient. And although there are phases of confusion, questions about how on earth things will come together, or just wondering how to get out of a sticky mess... He is at work. The scatteredness, the stickiness, it's all a part of a whole! In fact, it's essential for the end result. It's uncomfortable. It's gross. It's frustrating. But it makes for such a tasty, satisfying, Baker-pleasing result.

Looking back at the process of creating that bread, I'd say it's totally worth it. I am proud of it. It's my creation. If I like my vegan buns that much, I am pretty certain God feels that, times a bijillion about His creation... me! And YOU!! You see, the difference between me and God is that He's the ultimate bakesta' and He knows His work so well, even from the start. So those moments of discomfort ain't got nothing on Him. He knows the outcome.

In light of His mercy & love, and this foodevotion, this life's troubles seem rather small compared to the lovely loaf I'm becoming!

Trust is Hard

The way the Lord takes care of us still astounds me. His ways are perfect and beyond anything we can conjure up on our own. His provision comes from all places... and what often seems to be out of the blue. He gives me what I need, even though I think I need things a specific way. He gives resources, skills, creativity, and so much love and He mixes it all into a pot & produces miracles! Miracles, I say!

I've literally gone from saying "God, I just need a glimmer of hope!" to Him demonstrating His power and giving me that hope... the hope that a frail human being so needs here and there. Sometimes I claim that all hope is lost, but the truth is, hope is always there... I've simply stopped looking for it.

But He works all things together for my good & for His fame & glory. If I could just remember that! Does His Word repeat & declare time & again that trusting in Him is the best way to go? The stress free way to go? The anti-worry-wart way to go? Why do I insist on making my life so difficult?!

I sometimes try to "set myself up" for miracles. And then nothing happens. If Make-Your-Own-Miracle was a foundation, I'd probably have signed up for it by now. The cool thing about the God I serve is He doesn't need me. He doesn't need my efforts to show His power. That's not to say I need to be a lazy poo and wait for miracles. But I do believe as I step out and move forward in Him, He will take care of business. In daily needs, in relationships, in vision for life... in EVERYTHING! He is God, afterall.

At the start of this year, I prayed a prayer.

Hold me with your hope & love
I can't see quite far enough
Fill me with what only You can give
Speak Your purpose over my life
Rid me of all that I hold so dear & let Your Kingdom come
'Cause all I want is to love You & all I am is for You, Lord
Walk me down this path, oh Lord
Through the roses, through the storms
Draw me in & keep my gaze on You
'Cause all I want is to love You & all I am is for You, Lord
Take my past & present still
Lead my future as You will
All I am is for You, my Lord

Clearly, I recognize the truth of His Word. Over & over I've experienced the truth of His Word. So why do I still worry?! I think part of the remedy is that I need to thank Him more. I need to remember. Not necessarily live in the glory days, but remember that He has done great things in times when I couldn't see a solution. I'll probably definitely need Him to have this happen in my life.

Okay, Lord... do Yo' thang in me!